…and some days are harder than others
My heart is heavy and dark today.
I went to someone’s naming ceremony
and I saw three babies younger than Maceo
who are all doing a lot more then him.
It upset me.
I left early.
I’ve been online this morning at my computer
and last night on my iphone
in the hyperbaric oxygen chamber,
looking for happy stories
about kids with problems like Maceo.
I’ve been typing in “my baby recovered from HIE”
and “miracle CP infant”
and all kinds of other wistful phrases
that would encourage
a list of inspirational stories
to flood my screen.
Either I’m not looking in the right places,
or there aren’t very many of them out there.
It sucks.
Maybe the parents who overcome these odds
are too busy enjoying their lives
or their new leases on their lives
to sit down and pour those chronicles
out onto the internet for me to find.
Uugghh.
Time to do something else.
Sorry for the blast of sorrow on this blog.
I hesitated putting it up
and started a journal on my computer
for the purposes of documenting
the days that are not so sweet.
Then my friend Liza suggested that my honesty about all of this is valuable. So, I’m hoping that any value of the truth in front of you here outweighs the bummer factor.
I hope so cause while I guess it is theraputic to tell the whole truth, I’d rather lift people up than anything else.
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You are so amazing with all the great energy that your putting for making Maceos life easier. You are allowed to feel sad too. A big hug from me to you!
Love, Johanna
Comment by Johanna — October 27, 2009 comment link
I humbled by your generosity, your fortitude and compassion for your son. Would that the world had as tremendous parents for all it’s children. Maceo is lucky.
You’re choosing to speak the truth. It’s your own and it neither lessens my perception of your infinite strength nor does it make me think you are doing anything other than moving forward.
Every parent goes through their contortions. The fact that you have come THIS FAR and finally had this moment is a testament to what tenacious parents Maceo has.
It also signals the fact that you are able to endure and continue your persistence.
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear”. ~Twain
Comment by charlie — October 30, 2009 comment link
Hi, thank you for sharing the pictures. I drop by every now and then to see how you are doing. I understand that you all have better days and not so great moments but looking at the pictures from here, far away I see that you have gone forward, there has been progress and you have worked hard. The path you have chosen has been a good one,lots of love:kati
Comment by Kati — November 1, 2009 comment link
Always allow yourself to say and think what you are feeling. Sometimes purging our feelings and letting it all out without judgement in a safe environment is ultimately what makes us lighter and more able to cope with what obstacles we have in front of us. Maceo has come so far in the last couple of months and that is what we are all focusing on. He is such a tough little guy with an amazing will of steel! When a dark cloud is hovering above you, remember that in the near distance resides the sun. Close your eyes and feel it’s warmth and let the earth and the sun recharge your spirit and empower your soul with the energy you need to continue on your journey. My heart is full of love and admiration for all of you. Love, Melinda
Comment by Melinda — December 26, 2009 comment link
I humbled by your generosity, your fortitude and compassion for your son. Would that the world had as tremendous parents for all it’s children. Maceo is lucky.
You’re choosing to speak the truth. It’s your own and it neither lessens my perception of your infinite strength nor does it make me think you are doing anything other than moving forward.
Every parent goes through their contortions. The fact that you have come THIS FAR and finally had this moment is a testament to what tenacious parents Maceo has.
It also signals the fact that you are able to endure and continue your persistence.
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear”. ~Twain
Comment by Bruce — May 19, 2010 comment link